Summer Rains
by valathe
Summary: Modern AU. A happily married couple, everything changed for Elsa and Anna when Elsa was diagnosed with cancer. Four years later, they have to come to terms with the increasingly hard demands of a difficult situation. \\ Elsanna (no incest). no smut but strong language
1. Chapter 1

_She remembered it as if it was only yesterday: meeting the fiery redhead for the first time. Her first impression wasn't a very flattering one. She was out drinking with Amélie, her best friend (it was one of those rare occasions where Amélie's constant nagging to go outside and just do something actually made her leave the house), when all of a sudden a complete stranger sat on an unoccupied chair right at their table._

„_I hope I'm not intruding, but this pub is sorely lacking in seating accommodation, and my feet are killing me. I don't understand why I still keep wearing those damned heels. Oh, my name's Anna, by the way, pleased to meet you."_

_She put a sheepish grin on her face, and Amélie immediately hit it off with the intruder, both being quite the extroverts. Elsa, on the other hand, felt immensely uncomfortable, shifting and squirming in her chair, constantly ordering new drinks from the waiter in the hope of drowning her social awkwardness. She never even noticed the many quick glances Anna shot her during her vivid conversation with Amélie. The rest of the evening was quite a blur, caused by unprecedented levels of alcohol in her bloodstream, and to this day she had no clear recollection of how she got home that night._

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><p>"Mrs. Leland, are you listening to me?"<p>

Hearing her name knocked her out of her daydreaming and forced her consciousness into reality. She sat in front of a polished wooden desk, a huge piece of furniture laden with all sorts of anatomically correct models of various organs, some mementos and a computer screen. The man talking to her was sitting behind the desk, a balding 50-something year old with a welcoming smile and a sympathetic gleam in his eyes.

"Uh, yes, yes...no, actually, I kinda lost myself in my thoughts, could you please repeat that?"

She shot and apologetic glance in his direction and made the tiniest smile, barely raising the corners of her mouth. Anna was the only person that ever got to see her warm and bright smile, the one that stood for true affection and caring.

"No problem, Mrs. Leland. As I said, we got the results and unfortunately I have some very bad news for you." The conversation lasted for the better part of an hour, Elsa appearing oddly calm in the face of the devastating news she had just received.

When she left the doctor's office, a bunch of pamphlets and brochures in her purse, she felt oddly empty. She got into her car and started the engine, put her favorite CD by Godspeed You! Black Emperor in the player and started her journey home. For the whole drive she wondered at the strange absence of any feelings at all, and only when she pulled into her driveway did she feel a slight tingling in her stomach.

She entered their apartment, wondering if Anna was home, but wasn't surprised when she found the rooms empty. It was only 3 PM after all, and Anna had no reason to leave work early. She laid down on the sofa, contemplating what to do next. After about ten minutes, she got up again, perusing the bedroom for the scented candles Anna liked so much.

* * *

><p>When Anna got out of her car she noted Elsa's vehicle in the driveway, but the windows facing the street were suspiciously dark. That wasn't like Elsa, she usually liked to have the whole apartment bright as day, which had earned her many reprimands by Anna, usually when the utility bill arrived.<p>

She quickly ascended the flights of stairs to the second floor and opened the door to their apartment, only to be greeted by the overwhelming scent of lavender and a hint of vanilla. She hung her coat on the rack and kicked off her shoes. "Elsa, I'm home. Sorry that I'm late, but traffic was even worse than usual. Ventura Freeway was a nightmare, as always, but you'd kinda expect people to prepare for stormy weather in mid-December, right?"

No answer. The constant, nagging doubt, for the most part of the day at the back of her mind, forced its way back into her awareness.

"Elsa? Are you here? Is everything alright?"

A sudden pang of fear got hold of her, its icy tendrils slowly crawling down her spine. She was about to call a third time when she heard the distinct sound of clothes shuffling around.

"Living room." came a quiet call. Anna put down her bag and made her way to the room in question. She found Elsa sitting on the floor, back propped against the couch and her knees slightly tucked up, her platinum-blonde hair falling open around her shoulders, forming a curtain around her face.. Dozens of candles surrounded her, most of them already half burnt-down, and she held something in her lap. She didn't react to Anna entering the room.

Anna took a few careful steps towards her wife, almost as if she were afraid of shying away a wild doe. "Elsa?" she asked, but she got no answer. Anna recognized the object Elsa was cradling in her lap: a photo album, the first they ever filled up. Foreboding engulfed her, she dreaded the answer to her next question. Trying to sound as casual as humanly possible, she asked: "How was your appointment?"

After a few moments, Elsa finally turned her head to look at Anna, and what she saw utterly destroyed her. Elsa's eyes were red and swollen, her mascara covering her cheeks in thick streaks. Anna felt her heart shattering in her chest, tears welling up in her eyes. 'No, you can't,' she told herself, 'you have to be strong for her.' She took a few deep breaths and somehow fought the tears down, for now at least.

"Would you mind if I sit next to you?"

Elsa shook her head ever so slightly. Anna slowly eased herself down next to her, her back against the couch, and gingerly put her left arm around Elsa's slumping shoulders. Slowly, at an almost almost sluggish pace, Elsa lowered her head towards Anna, eventually resting it in the crook of her neck. Anna put her right Hand on Elsa's head, gently stroking her soft blonde hair, murmuring soft and soothing words into her ears. She tried to ignore the bushels of hair remaining in her hand after each stroke.

After a sheer infinite amount of time, Elsa turned her head, looking at Anna's profile. Slowly, she started talking, her voice thick and hoarse: "Anna...I'm sorry..."

Anna's voice was no more than a whisper: "Don't...don't ever apologize." Tears welled up in her eyes, and this time she couldn't fight them back. Only after a long time did her tears dry up, if only because she didn't have a single one left.

Anna didn't know how long they sat there, leaning against the couch, but when some of the candles started to flicker out, she spoke again.

"How...h-how bad is it?"

Elsa didn't say anything for a while, and Anna was about to repeat her question when Elsa answered.

"It has spread to my lungs and kidneys. Chemo isn't very effective, and removing any more organs would do nothing at best at this point...looks like I can't smart-talk my way out of this one, huh."

Anna winced at the casual, almost...playful tone of her last words.

"How long...?"

This time, Elsa answered almost immediately: "Dr. Horton says somewhere between three to six months, less if I discontinue the chemo."

Anna suddenly got mad. With a yank she disentangled herself from Elsa, and started yelling: "How can you be so _fucking calm_ about all this?! It's like you've already accepted it, and now you're just lying down and waiting for the end! I won't let you leave me without a fight. You're going to change your attitude and fucking kick cancer's assh..." She was silenced by Elsa's finger on her lips.

Elsa looked her deep in the eyes, saying: "Yes, I have accepted it. I've come to terms with it, because there is no scenario with a happy ending." Anna tried to launch into another tirade, but Elsa simply shushed her and continued talking. "There won't be a happy ending, but I'll be damned if it's gonna be a sad ending. I'll savor every single day I have left, I'll enjoy every moment I'm granted on this disgusting, wonderful planet, and you can _bet_ your perfect ass that I'm gonna do it with you, whether you like it or not!"

Anna stared at Elsa, completely dumbstruck. For only the third time in her entire 31 years, she was speechless.

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><p>The next morning, Anna was woken rather unceremoniously by a big crash and a litany of curses originating in the kitchen. It took her a few seconds to get her bearings, before she realized that it was in fact Elsa who was cussing to her hearts content. The crinkling sound of broken glass being swept off the floor made her grin, Elsa had always been a klutz.<p>

Or had she? Like with so many small details, Anna had more and more trouble remembering if they were already present before the cancer diagnosis four years ago. It had been a shock for both of them, but they pulled through, Anna with her unbreakable optimism, always seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and Elsa, stoic composure, unfazed in the face of her own fate.

Initially they thought they were lucky, since it had been discovered quite early, and after just one run of chemo and having part of her stomach removed, Elsa made a full recovery. She had been cancer-free for almost three years, had even started working again at the lab; but about two months ago, the cancer had made a vicious relapse. Even the immediate removal of the rest of Elsa's stomach, and a full run of aggressive chemotherapy could not stop the cancer from metastasizing.

Thinking about it made Anna sad, profusely sad and angry at the same time. It just wasn't fair. Elsa was the most loving and caring person she'd ever met. Even though she was incredibly shy and introverted, she was deeply concerned for the well-being of every living creature, and unceasingly curious. She had never lost the childish fascination and excitement about learning something new. It was no wonder she was working with the brightest minds of the country on something spectacular, something that Anna not even pretended to understand. Her job as High School English and History teacher was incredibly dull and mundane by comparison.

Her musings were interrupted when Elsa came through the door, carrying a tray with breakfast for her sweetheart. "Looks like sleepyhead decided to rouse for the day", she said with a mischievous grin. Anna couldn't help but smile at the gesture, and felt incredibly bad about the last evening. Elsa set the tray down at the foot of the bed, and sat down, face serious.

"Listen, Anna," she started, "about yesterday...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so detached and...careless. I know that I could've phrased a few things a little different, and

I'm sorry that I hurt you. I meant everything I said, though."

Anna had to suppress a giggle. When Elsa looked at her with a questioning look, Anna couldn't hold it to herself any longer. "This is _ridiculous_. Just, just look at us, are we in a sitcom? You're the one that's dying and_ you_ comfort _me_? It should be me, bringing you breakfast to the bed and apologizing, because I've acted like a fucking idiot yesterday. You will stop apologizing right now, Elsa, I don't want to hear a single sorry from you anymore, ever!"

Elsa only looked at her with a raised eyebrow. It was the first time Anna had actually used the word 'dying' in regard to her condition, though she seemed blissfully unaware of it. She decided to leave it at that, and have a little chuckle instead.

"You should eat. I've made you pancakes, and we don't want them getting cold now."

Anna shot a glance at the tray at her feet. "Have you eaten your breakfast?" Elsa couldn't help but grin. "Yes mum, as ordered mum, I've been good and eaten all my veggies today.", ending her sentence with a mock salute. Anna looked at her incredulously, and Elsa burst into laughter at the look of her wife's face.

Anna decided that she had had enough of Elsa's antics and just grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. She was frightened at how thin Elsa was, and at how much hair she had already lost. In some places the skin started to shimmer through her once thick blonde mane. Nevertheless, she enjoyed the embrace, glad that despite all, Elsa was still able to laugh and smile.

* * *

><p>"Elsa?"<p>

"Yes?"

"What did you actually break in the kitchen?"

"The stupid mixer, again. _Someone_ put it right on the edge of the counter, again."

"That someone is you, sillyface, I don't touch that thing."

*sigh* "I know, I know"

* * *

><p><strong>soooooooooooo, first chapter of my first fanfic, ever. scary, right? and no, not something funny or sweet, death and misery right from the beginning. (some people do actually like me, believe it or not.)<strong>

**well, you better not expect a happy ending out of this story. many happy moments maybe, but also a lot of sad ones, and a few gutwrenching ones, too**

**anyway, feedback/reviews greatly appreciated, but please go easy on me, as this is my first fic**

**thanks guys!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Elsa woke wearily, her eyes seemingly glued shut. But that was probably for the best anyway, considering her splitting headache. „Fucking Amélie.", she muttered under her breath. 'Yeah, enough social interactions for the next six months, now back to work.' she thought, 'As soon as my head doesn't feel like the fucking anvil of Hephaestus anymore. Gotta have some Advil lying around here somewhere. And why the fuck do I still wear my clothes from yesterday? How did I even get home?'_

_She absentmindedly wandered into her bathroom to get something against her headache, and almost missed the pair of feet dangling over the armrest of her couch. Almost. She froze in place. Slowly her intellectual faculties were returning to her, and she deduced that the person lying on her couch must be a woman, judging from the size of her feet, and probably asleep, if the quiet snores were any indication. She slowly approached the person, and true enough, a girl was sprawled on her couch, drooling into the cushions. Something about her seemed familiar to her hungover brain, especially her auburn hair, but she still had no idea who she was or how that woman had gotten into her apartment._

_She carefully poked her toes with her slipper, the only response being a slightly louder snore. 'Heh, what a goofhead', she thought. She poked her again, a little harder this time, and she actually got rewarded with a little bit of gibberish coming out of her mouth. Finally, gathering all her courage, she leaned in to the girl's ear and yelled "Wake up, doofus!" The stranger immediately jerked upright, slamming her head into Elsa's in the process. The briefly forgotten headache returned, worse than before. "Motherf...who _are_ you?!", Elsa yelled, clutching her head._

"_Good question.", the stranger replied, letting out a monstrous yawn, "the more pressing matter is, however, _where_ am I?" Elsa rolled her eyes. "You're in _my_ apartment, and I have no idea how you got in here. There, your turn." The girl eyed Elsa from head to toe, giving an appreciative grunt. "Only fair, I guess. My name is Anna, Anna Baneker. And, if my recollection of yesterday is correct, _you_ let me into your apartment." _

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><p>Elsa had to chuckle at the image in her head. Anna looked up from her dinner. "What's funny?" Elsa smiled. "Oh, nothing. I just remembered how we met." Anna immediately giggled. "You mean how our foreheads met. They sure made a lasting impression on both of us." Elsa sighed, feeling nostalgic. "Hard to believe that was ten years ago, huh?" Anna mumbled some nonsensical answer, being tightly entangled in a web of memories from happier times. Elsa nibbled on her barren slice of white bread, not really in the mood for eating.<p>

"What are you planning for tomorrow?" The question yanked Anna out of her dreamworld, she glanced around for a few moments to re-orient yourself. "Uh, not much, really. Grading some tests, but that's about it. Why?" Elsa chewed on her lower lip before giving an answer. "I thought about dropping by the lab again, checking in on the people, maybe get a planet or two named after me. You know, the 'poor suffering girl'-act." She smirked deviously. Anna stared at her. "You can do that?"

Elsa looked at her confused. "What, my poor girl-act? Yeah, I use it on you every day." Anna shot an angry glance at her. "No, I mean getting a planet named after you." Elsa snorted. "Oh, that. No, of course not. They usually get named after the telescope that discovers them, or the star they're orbiting. But we do internally give them different names, usually stupid ones, just for shits and giggles." Anna had a contemplative look on her face. "You never really talk about what you did actually _do_ at work." "That's because it's not really that interesting if you don't have a degree in physics or engineering."

Anna put on an over-dramatic pout. "Great, now the so-called love of my life called me stupid." Elsa couldn't help but laugh at Anna's grimace. "You know very well I'd never call you stupid. I love you, don't you ever forget that." Elsa's voice had grown strangely serious for the last sentence. Anna's playful mood was gone immediately. She knew exactly how Elsa had meant it. 'Don't you ever forget that...after I'm gone.' Anna suppressed a sigh. She was still emotionally drained from the watershed yesterday, and it had only begun to really sink in that Elsa wouldn't be around for much longer. She stared at her plate, absentmindedly shifting the remains of her dinner around with her fork.

They sat at the table for a few more minutes, each silently in her own thoughts, when Anna said: "You still haven't really answered my question before." Elsa looked up with a quizzical look. "Which one?" "The one about what you did in the lab." Elsa smiled when she thought about her work at the JPL. "Well, our department was in the final stages of finishing the specifications for the replacement for the Spitzer space telescope. Technically the James Webb is a replacement, but it doesn't cover the higher ranges of infrared and near-visible infrared; I also doubt they'll be able actually finish and launch it by 2014, considering the constant budget cuts."

Anna pricked up her ears upon hearing the familiar name. "Didn't you talk about doing some work on that James Webb thing?" Elsa raised her eyebrows, impressed that Anna even remembered. "Yes, they actually hired me for that. I improved the design of the primary mirror, because they were running into serious trouble with the folding mechanism." "I have no idea what you just said,", Anna replied sheepishly. Elsa couldn't help but laugh. "Well, the mirror is the primary piece of equipment. It captures the incoming light into a focal point, just like with a satellite dish. Only that this mirror is six and a half meters in diameter, way too big for any launch vehicle we have available. So it consists of 18 smaller hexagons, that, once in space, will unfold to form one large mirror, like a honeycomb." Anna rested her head on her hands, just marveling at how lost Elsa could get in her work, how much she loved what she was doing. Elsa had managed to actually turn her hobby into her job, and she had enjoyed every second of it.

After a while, Elsa realized that Anna wasn't actually listening anymore and was just observing her elaborate gestures with the most adorable look on her face. She continued talking about the most outlandish topics, that even she herself sometimes barely understood, just to grant Anna that moment of joy and bliss. It was suddenly cut short, though, when they heard yelling in the next apartment, and the distinct sound of porcelain smashing against the wall, the pieces raining to the floor. Anna rolled her eyes. "Those two again. That's what, the fifth time this month?" "Sixth.", Elsa replied, "They had a really bad fight while you were still in school last week. I'm amazed they still have dishware to throw against the walls." Anna snickered. "They probably buy a new set every month. I wonder why they don't just get a divorce and be done with it. Anyway, I'm gonna watch some TV. You coming?"

"Nah.", Elsa replied after a bit, "I'm gonna go read something." Anna rolled her eyes. "I can already imagine what. Don't you know that book by heart by now?" Elsa smiled. "I could probably write it out word for word without looking at it once, but still...reading it reminds me of my youth, the time before mom died. A simpler time." With that, Elsa went to their bedroom to look for her copy of 'Solaris', the book that had sparked her interest in astronomy and space travel. It showed the decades of heavy use, the paperback binding worn and faded, the pages themselves frayed and with dozens of dog-ears, marking Elsa's favorite parts.

She had just laid down on the bed and started reading the familiar first page when Anna called "Elsa! Come quick!" Annoyed, she set the book down again and went to the living room, where Anna was intently watching the news. "What is it?", Elsa asked with a slightly indignant tone. Anna seemed to miss or ignore her annoyance, and simply said: "Look! That's in Tunisia!" Elsa focused her attention on the TV, where she saw videos and reports of large groups of protestors being disbanded by the police, often with the help of tear gas. They were both horrified.

Just one and a half years ago, they'd spent two weeks in Tunis, a holiday to celebrate Elsa being cancer-free for two years. They both still fondly remembered the trip, and lots of pictures of it were strewn across the apartment. Seeing the country in this state of upheaval wasn't pleasant. "Poor Mariem, she still has some extended family there. I hope they're okay.", Anna said after a while. The name sounded familiar to Elsa, but she couldn't put it anywhere. Anna recognized her look, and clarified: "She's the lovely physics teacher you chatted the whole evening with, when we were at the school staff Christmas party last year." "Right, I remember now.", Elsa said, "She's really nice. She even asked me to come into her class to talk about my job. She wanted to convince more of her students to pursue a career in science, especially the girls." "You never told me about this.", Anna replied, "I don't remember seeing you in school." Elsa had to chuckle. "Of course I declined. We were swamped in work at that time, and you know how I am around large crowds of people. Especially juveniles who only think of booze and...well, hooking up." "Hey, my guys don't just think about drinking and fucking!" Anna said in a defensive tone. "You forgot partying and smartphones." She shot Elsa a cheeky smile, and Elsa couldn't help but laugh. She pressed a light kiss on Anna's lips and said: "I remember you being just the same in college. Minus the smartphones."

Anna put on a grossly exaggerated pout that made Elsa laugh even more, and jabbed at her with her index finger. "Watch it, Missus, that's slander. You better hold your tongue." "Okay, I'll think of that the next time I'm going down on you.", Elsa replied with a mischievous smile. "As if.", Anna replied, crossing her arms in front of her chest and pointedly looking away, her nose up in the air. "Why don't we find out?", Elsa asked with a sultry undertone. "What, right now?", Anna asked surprised. "Well," Elsa replied cheekily, "we could make an appointment. I believe I'm free at noon on Wednesday." By the time she finished her sentence, Anna had already grabbed her arm and was on her way to the bedroom.

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><p><strong>Whew, chapter 2 finished, and what a finale! Just throwing it out there while it's hot off the press. Don't expect that to be the regular schedule, though, I was just excited about chapter 1 and immediately set out to write this one. I plan on having a 4-5 day schedule in the future. No promises tho.<strong>

**The pace is a little slower here, getting in some more background info about the pair. Also, I hope you can excuse the amount of astronomy nerdyness in there, I just can't help myself :D**

**other astronomy nerds, should they be out there and reading frozen fanfics, will point out that any major design changes to the james webb telescope by 2004 (when elsa was alledgedly working on them) would've been nigh-impossible since many of the essential parts were already in production. I hope you can overlook this little artistic license, but I didn't want to move the story any further back in time. Should you come across any physical inaccuracies, please point them out**

**Also, a few clarifications about the setting:**

**the beginning of this story is set in late 2010, hinted at by the protests in tunisia (i'm rather proud of thinking this up, btw), but here I write it out just in case**

**elsa is 34 and anna is 31, they've been together for 10 years and married for 6**

**elsa wrote her PhD thesis with 24 (right when they first met) and was hired right off the bat. She's been working at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Science Division in la cañada flintridge, CA ever since and is still technically employed, but on extended sick leave.**

**Anna is teaching english and history at the john burroughs high school in burbank, CA**

**they both live in pasadena, CA  
><strong>

**as always, feel free to leave reviews. Any feedback is appreciated and i'll try to respond to everything I get.**

**Peace out**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: this is a pretty dark chapter, so if you're easily upset or unstable you may want to skip this. Then again, in that case you shouldn't be reading this whole story in the first place, so who am I to tell you what to do __  
><em>**

* * *

><p>"<em>So, about yesterday...", Anna said, hiding her smirk behind a steaming cup of coffee, while she watched the blonde girl on the other side of the table.<em>

_Elsa awkwardly scratched her neck and ran her fingers through her hair. "Yeah, about that...I guess I did kinda unceremoniously kick you out of my apartment. But I was hungover, and I needed to work on my thesis and...you know..."_

"_Know what?", Anna asked, quickly taking a sip to prevent her grin from reaching her ears. Watching the poor blonde blush and squirm in her chair was way too cute._

"_Well," Elsa said, "I usually wait with the headbutting until the third date." A small smile crept into her features, and she nervously looked down, suddenly finding the table quite interesting. It took all of Anna's self-restraint not to squeal right then and there. She didn't even care that there were other people in the small café._

"_So this is a date, then?", she asked coyly, batting her eyelashes. _

_Elsa stared at her wide-eyed, her cheeks flush with a deep shade of pink. "I- uh...well, I...um...maybe?"_

_Anna couldn't control herself any longer and burst into laughter. "Relax, sweet-cheeks," she said after calming down a bit, "no one's gonna bite you." With a sultry smile, she added: "Unless you'd like that."_

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><p>Anna gave a reminiscent sigh, thinking back on how all this started. Elsa slept nuzzled against her body, her head resting in the crook of her neck. The slow, constant breathing calmed Anna, and made her wish this pre-dawn twilight would never end. She wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, cuddling with Elsa without a care in the world.<p>

'What am I ever gonna do without you?'

The thought came unbidden, just like the tears filling her eyes. She tried fighting them, but eventually silent sobs began shaking her body. Elsa stirred at the motion, wearily shooting a glance at Anna. Seeing her distress, Elsa was wide-awake immediately, sitting up and cupping Anna's face in her hands.

"Hey there, what's happened, what's wrong?"

Anna couldn't answer her. Saying it out loud would only make it worse. She only shook her head and closed her eyes, crying even more. Elsa sighed knowingly and pulled Anna into a tight embrace, resting Anna's head on her shoulder. Her fingers drew soothing circles on Anna's back, while her other hand lightly brushed over the thick red hair, slightly rocking back and forth. She hummed the melody of a nursery rhyme she remembered from her childhood, and slowly Anna calmed down. When they separated again, Anna's eyes were puffed up and red, and she was thoroughly exhausted.

"Do you want to talk about it?", Elsa asked after a while.

It took a moment for Anna to gather her thoughts, shaking her head tentatively after a few seconds. "Not now", she said with a hoarse voice. A quick glance at the alarm clock revealed that is was almost time to get up.

"Listen, I...I have a busy schedule today," Anna said, "and I have to run a few errands after school. We'll talk when I'm home, okay?"

Anna made her way to the bathroom to start preparing for the day. Elsa laid back down again, to get some more rest. She attributed her weariness to it being Monday, but she knew better. Cancer and chemo were taking a toll on her, and she felt thoroughly drained. It was even worse yesterday, she barely had the strength to leave the bed to go to the bathroom, much less pay her colleagues at the lab a visit. It frustrated her to no end, knowing how limited her time was, and still not having enough energy to get up and actually do something. Dr. Horton had warned her that this would happen when she'd started the chemotherapy, and she knew that she was being too harsh on herself, but still. There was so much left do see and do; she'd never gone scuba-diving or parachuting, and she'd never been to Whistler Mountain to go downhill-biking like she always said she would, and now her time was running out. But worst of all, she felt that she had never spent enough time with her wife. There had always been just one more set of images to analyze, one new hypothesis to mull over, and for the first time she regretted loving her work so much.

Like on cue, Anna entered the bedroom, hair still wet from the shower. She immediately recognized that Elsa was depressed, and sat down on the bed next to her. "Is everything alright?"

_'No, nothing's alright! I'm scared and frustrated and I just want you to hold me and never let me go!'_ "Yeah. I'm just tired is all." It took all the strength Elsa had left to keep her voice steady. She had to stay strong for Anna. She knew her wife wasn't ready yet to come to terms with the situation.

Anna wasn't convinced by Elsa's answer, but she new that too much probing would only result in Elsa shutting off completely and not letting anybody get close for a while. So she decided to talk about something that had been on her mind the last few days.

"You know, Christmas holidays are only a week away, and I've been thinking...I could skip the next term and stay at home with you, provided they find a temp on really, really short notice. Would you like that?" She chewed her lower lip while waiting for Elsa's response.

Elsa was simply taken aback at Anna's suggestion. She knew how much Anna enjoyed working with her kids, how much strength and energy she got out of her work. That she was willing to make such a sacrifice for her threatened to send her over the edge of the emotional breakdown that loomed so close.

"I'd love that.", was the only response she could muster without bursting into tears.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do. The principal still owes me a few favors.", Anna said with a smile.

With her hair almost dry, Anna started to dress for the day and gather all the worksheets she'd need that day, all the time keeping an eye on Elsa who had seemingly gone back to sleep. When she was ready, already running late, she leaned in to plant a quick kiss on Elsa's cheek. Just when she pulled away, Elsa mumbled: "I love you."

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><p>Elsa was awoken by an incessant buzzing. She had actually had a very nice dream, but the memory was already fading. Grudgingly, she reached for her phone and picked up without looking who was actually calling.<p>

"Elsa Sophia Leland, you are the worst best friend ever, do you know that?"

Elsa had to smile, despite being endlessly tired. "I hate you too, Amélie.", she replied drowsily.

"I haven't heard from you since Halloween. Is everything alright with you guys? And why do you sound so tired, I haven't woken you up, haven't I? Aren't you supposed to be at work at this time?"

Elsa had always marveled at Amélie's ability to shoot questions faster than a machine gun and still staying comprehensible, and her expectancy that you answered all of those questions just as fast.

"Listen, Amélie, we have to talk, and I'd prefer to do that in person. Are you in the area?"

"Yeah, I'm in Long Beach at a congress, and I actually called about setting up some face-time. I could swing by hour house this evening, if you want. But what's so important that you can't tell me over the phone?" Genuine concern was in her voice.

"Just...come here when you have the time. Is six okay?"

"I'll be there. And it better be good news, or I'm gonna kill you."

Elsa couldn't help but laugh at the irony in those words. "We'll see about that. Have fun at your congress."

"I will, as much fun as you can have while being stuck in a room with about 300 old dudes who are so full of themselves you want to kick them in their smug little faces. Bye."

No matter what the conversation was about, Elsa always felt cheered up after talking to Amélie. She even felt good enough to actually get out of bed and do some cleaning for the expected guest. Thankfully, Anna took her cleaning duties very seriously, ever since she took them over from Elsa, but it still couldn't hurt to top it off a little.

* * *

><p>"Let me get this straight – you've had a relapse and you haven't told <em>anybody<em>? Not even your dad?" Amélie looked at her incredulously.

Elsa winced uncomfortably. "Well, obviously the guys at work know about it, and probably some people at Anna's school, too. But you and Anna are the only people who know that I...won't be coming back from this one."

Amélie set down her coffee mug and reached across the table to take Elsa's hands into her own. "Girl, you can't do that. You have to _tell_ people. What about your dad? Would you even have told me if I hadn't called?"

Elsa averted here eyes and said nothing. It was answer enough. Amélie let out a deep sigh.

"How's Anna taking it?"

This time Elsa sighed. "As can be expected."

Amélie had to chuckle at that. "Still not giving up, eh?"

"Yeah.", Elsa replied. "That's what scares me the most. She isn't ready to let go. I'm afraid she won't be able to cope, and do something...rash."

Amélie shook her head. "Our Anna? Nah. As much as she loves you, she loves life even more. But I agree that she needs to come to terms with it. And fast. Six months just fly by like nothing."

Elsa screwed up her face. "Thanks for reminding me."

Amélie's eyes grew wide. "Oh dear, no, I didn't mean it like that..."

She didn't finish her sentence. Anna had just opened the door. "Elsa, I'm home! I brought a surprise. I know we agreed not to do anything special this year..."

She was interrupted by Elsa yelling: "I also have a surprise for you. Come to the living room."

Her curiosity roused, Anna didn't even bother to get out of her shoes. When she saw Amélie sitting at the dining table she squealed with delight, running over and almost crushing the poor girl with a monster of a hug.

"Hey there, pumpkin-head, I'm glad to see you, too.", Amélie said, mussing her red hair.

Anna was positively bouncing with joy over seeing Amélie again. "I haven't seen you in forever! How are you? Are you still together with that David-type?"

"Well, I've been at that congress in Long Beach and thought I'd just drop by and say hello. And no, I broke it off with David, he was a total creep. I caught him wearing my undies!"

They both giggled like schoolgirls, for a moment completely forgetting Elsa sitting at the table. She just smiled and took a sip from her mug of warm milk. The conversation eventually turned to the one, unavoidable topic, however.

"So, Amélie...you know about Elsa..."

Her face took on a serious look. "Yes, I do. I've been here quite some time before you arrived."

"Well that's good.", Anna said heatedly, crossing her arms in front of her chest."You're a doctor, you can tell her to change her bloody attitude."

"I'm a surgeon, Anna, my solution to everything is 'just cut it open'." Amélie tried to defuse the situation. "Besides, Dr. Horton is the best oncologist this side of the Appalachians. I trust his judgment."

That got Anna only more worked up. "What, you too?! Just bury your head in the sand, roll over and die? What a good fucking friend you are!" She screamed the last words, tears in her eyes, and stormed off to the bedroom, throwing the door shut with a loud bang. Elsa flinched at the sound, horrified by the sudden turn of events.

"Mel, I'm so sorry...", she started, but Amélie interrupted her. "Don't apologize. I can absolutely understand her point of view. Still, you should go check on her, or you'll have a full-blown marital crisis on your hands."

Elsa scoffed at that. "Don't we do already?"

Amélie shrugged. "Still, look after her. You don't want that festering with her, or it will get uglier than it has to be."

They went to the door, and Amélie got dressed. "I'll be in touch, goofhead." Elsa couldn't help but smile at the nickname.

"It's been a while since you've called me that."

Amélie smiled. "Well, you are one." She pulled Elsa into a hug. "Bye. And take good care of my Anna, or I'll follow you to wherever you go and kick your ass."

"I will. Bye."

* * *

><p>After Elsa had closed the door behind Amélie, she leaned against it and tried to get some order into the chaos that was her thoughts. Her priority now was of course to calm Anna down, but Amélie had made it clear to her that she could no longer try to protect everyone by hiding her sickness. She'd have to call her dad, and the thought alone made her almost cry. Just when she felt she was ready to go and confront Anna, here eyes fell on the little Christmas tree Anna had brought, still in the net. The enormity of the situation threatened to crush her. Even though she tried to fight it, Anna knew that this would be their last Christmas together. But deep down, Elsa knew, she still had the hope that they were all wrong, that there was still a future where they grew old together, moved to Florida and became a plain, old, boring couple. Amélie had just obliterated that tiny hope. Elsa dreaded going into that bedroom, more than anything else, because she knew that a part of the cheerful, warm and welcoming Anna had been lost forever.<p>

Finally, Elsa had gathered enough courage to try and comfort Anna. She slowly entered the bedroom. Anna was lying on the bed in the fetal position, still sobbing even though the tears had stopped a while ago. "Anna..."

"Go away.", Anna replied, barely audible.

"Anna, please..."

"I said go away!", Anna screamed, violently jerking up. She continued in a lower, infinitely sad voice:"Just go away and die already. All of you can't seem to wait for it, so better get it over with."

That was too much for Elsa. She just stumbled backward, until she hit the door frame, and her legs would no longer carry her. She collapsed to the ground then and there, crying hysterically while violent sobs shook her body. At some point during the night, exhaustion caught up with her, and she fell asleep on the floor.

* * *

><p>When Elsa woke up, she was lying on the bed. She had no idea how she'd gotten there, but for a blissful few moments, she didn't remember the events of the past evening. When she did, she immediately felt like crying again. She would never have imagined Anna saying something like that, not even in her darkest dreams. She had had no idea how hurt Anna actually was to elicit such a response.<p>

"Anna?", she asked, quietly, not knowing if she was more afraid of silence or an answer. After a few tense moments of silence, she sat up and tried to get her bearings. The clock on her nightstand told her that it was 8:31 AM of the next day, Tuesday, December 21. Anna would have been at school, but her brief bag was still next to the desk. She slowly got up, still shaky, and made her way to the living room. Anna sat in a corner, arms wrapped around her legs and chin resting on her knees, completely impassive.

"Anna?"

She looked dreadful. Dark rings had formed under her eyes, along with bags from the excessive amount of crying. Her hair was disheveled, and she still wore the same clothes as yesterday. Elsa was certain that she hadn't slept a single second.

"Anna?"

Like on playback, she said "I called in sick today.", her eyes never once moving.

"Anna, look at me!"

Elsa was hesitant to touch her. She was afraid she'd scare her away, and another reaction like yesterday would completely destroy her.

But after what seemed like and endless amount of trying to get Anna's attention, Elsa had no other choice. She gently touched Anna on the shoulder. That seemed to break the spell. Anna's head jerked around, her eyes focusing on Elsa. As soon as she recognized her, tears began to fill her eyes.

With a shaky, barely audible voice she said "Elsa? You're still here?"

Elsa knelt down in front of her, trying to smile. "Where else would I be?"

Anna started forward, tightly embracing her wife. Her face pressed against Elsa's chest she cried, constantly repeating "I'm so sorry!' between sobs. Elsa returned the embrace, gently rocking them back and forth.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter three done, I swear I can't get enough of this. If I keep this pace of writing up i'll be finished in a week (⌐■_■)<strong>

**I honestly can't set a schedule because I don't know if i'll be able to keep myself from posting early. You should however expect updates at least once every 4 or 5 days**

**sooo yeah, pretty dark chapter. I initially planned to end it after the last line break, but that would've been too gloomy, even by my standards (not that the current ending is really happy, but still...)**

**anyway, as always, reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated and encouraged!**

**Thanks**

**Peace out**


	4. Chapter 4

"_What is that again?" Anna eyed the contents of her plate suspiciously. It looked a bit like spaghetti with meat sauce and smelled delicious, but she had never heard the name._

_Elsa smirked. "It's ground seitan in tomato sauce with pine nuts, and plain old spaghetti to go with it. Quite simple, really."_

_While she was still busy scrutinizing the food Elsa took a sip of her wine and, with a smile, said: "Bon appétit."_

_Anna tentatively took a small bite into her mouth, and almost moaned with delight. It was delicious! _"_God, Elsa. I'll chain you to the kitchen!" _

_"That good, huh?", Elsa replied with a smirk, taking another sip of wine._

_After finishing dinner, with quite a lot of laughing and lewd comments by Anna, they moved to the couch to watch a movie. Elsa had insisted that they watch '2001: A Space Odyssey', since it was the greatest film of all time according to her, but Anna was way too distracted by Elsa resting her head on Anna's shoulder. She still had no idea what the movie was about 40 minutes in and let her mind wander, and suddenly had to chuckle. Elsa raised her head questioningly. "What's so funny?"_

"_I forgot my helmet."_

_Elsa's bewildered look made her laugh out loud, before she explained. "Well, it's our third proper date, and I thought I should be prepared. You might just start headbutting me any moment, after all."_

_Elsa tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't help the smirk that crept into her features. "I might just headbutt you for your cheekiness, you red-haired rascal."_

_Anna playfully raised her hands over her head and closed her eyes, half-yelling: "Woe is me, my days are numbered!" She definitely didn't expect Elsa brushing her hands aside, cupping her face and, after a very short moment of hesitation, pressing her lips onto Anna's._

_The kiss didn't last longer than a few seconds, and Elsa was just as surprised at herself as Anna was. After staring at each other for what seemed like an endless amount of time, the redhead was the first to regain her composure._

"_Well, as much as I enjoyed getting acquainted to your forehead, I have to say I distinctly prefer this method of headbutting. Care to elaborate on your technique?" The movie all but forgotten, they spent the rest of the evening eagerly 'elaborating' this new side of their relationship._

* * *

><p>Elsa sighed at the memory and planted a kiss on Anna's hair. The redhead had snuggled up to her, resting her head on Elsa's shoulder. The apartment was completely quiet, but it was a good silence, content and peaceful. All the lights were out except for the small chain of lights hanging in the branches of the Christmas tree. They both welcomed the peace and quiet, the festive decoration and their closeness. The last few days had been awkward and difficult.<p>

After Anna's breakdown, they had both come to the silent agreement not to discuss the issue for the time being, and generally avoided talking about anything even remotely connected to it, which led to some really weird conversations. Only yesterday, they had had a serious discussion about the weather which had lasted for the better part of an hour.

On Christmas day, the mood had changed however. Anna had gotten Elsa a quite expensive gift, despite both agreeing not to get any presents this year; and Elsa had insisted on cooking a lavish holiday dinner, even though she couldn't enjoy much of it.

Now they were sitting on the couch, huddled up together, enjoying each others company. Elsa's gaze fell on Anna's gift, and she smiled involuntarily. "You really shouldn't have gotten anything for me, hun. I have nothing for you."

Anna replied drowsily. "Nonsense. You made this amazing feast, and you are here with me. That's more than enough. Besides, I know how much you love this band, god knows why, and that you couldn't find a place to get the vinyls." - "Yeah, where _did_ you get it from?" Anna smiled, and said: "It actually took me quite a while, but I finally stumbled across a small web-shop in Germany, and they had it. I immediately ordered it, since it's limited to like 300 copies or something. And don't ask how much it cost me to get it."

Elsa frowned and playfully slapped Anna's shoulder. "You know exactly that I'm gonna ask if you tell me not to." Anna looked Elsa in the eye and had a guilty smile on her face. "Promise not to freak out, okay?" Elsa just nodded and waited for Anna to continue. "215 bucks", Anna said, blushing and averting her eyes.

"Two hundred...Anna, that's too much. Seriously. We've never gotten each other such expensive gifts." Anna blushed even more, and pulled Elsa into a tight hug. "I know, goldilocks, but it was just...the perfect gift. I know how much this means to you, and it's also a big sorry for how off I acted in the last few days. Even though I already ordered it in late November." A shy smirk crept on Anna's face, and she gave a quick peck on Elsa's cheek.

Elsa smiled too, and leaned into Anna, deepening their embrace. "You don't need to apologize.", Elsa said. And after a little while: "It _is_ a very good gift." She contemplated for a moment. It was a black box, roughly 13 by 13 inches, and it contained the complete discography of Fall of Efrafa on six vinyls. There were also cardboard cutouts with artwork on them, a foldout poster and various other goodies. The vinyls themselves were gorgeous, a light gray coloring with dark splotches in it, kinda resembling the look of a tie-dyed t-shirt. Elsa was moved by how much her wife cared. Anna had never like Elsa's music, always claiming that it was too 'harsh and gloomy' for her, but she still spent so much on this gift to make Elsa happy. That she didn't get anything for Anna in return made her even more uncomfortable, despite Anna's many assurances that she didn't mind.

"Why don't you fire up the player and show me your favorite songs?" Anna's sudden question interrupted Elsa's thoughts, and it took her brain a few seconds to process what she had heard. "I'm not sure," she replied, "it would ruin the mood. Like you always say, it's dark and gloomy. And I don't think you'd like it, at all." Anna put on a pout. "Bullshit. It's your gift, it's Christmas day, and I wanna see you have fun with it. Just play the song you like the most, okay?"

Elsa had to stifle a laugh. "Anna, my favorite song is almost twenty minutes long. But if you insist..." Anna's eyes turned wide for a moment. "Well, if that's the case we might...uh...we might want to... I don't know...not listen to it?", she said with an apologetic smile. Elsa couldn't contain her laughter any longer, and only when her sides were hurting quite severely did she manage to stop. Anna drew her face into a pout and crossed her hands in front of her chest.

"When you've quite finished, there's work for us. We need to do the dishes.", she said with mock indignation. "We?", Elsa replied, raising her eyebrows. "I stood in the kitchen for half a day, slaving away to prepare this, and I quote, 'amazing feast'. No, missy, you'll have to do this alone." The banter went back and forth and eventually they came to the compromise of not doing anything about the dishes and deciding tomorrow.

It was almost 1 AM when they decided to go to bed, Elsa was thoroughly exhausted and Anna simply wanted to be close to her wife. She snuggled up to Elsa underneath the covers, and buried her head in Elsa's chest. "I love you", she whispered, putting her arm around Elsa's waist and gently caressing her back. Elsa, almost asleep, mumbled something unintelligible, which Anna deduced to mean something along the lines of "I love you too." She smiled and pressed a quick kiss on Elsa's chin, before settling in for the night.

* * *

><p>Elsa clutched the phone as if her life depended on it. It was December 28, and Anna had gone out to run a few errands. Elsa had picked this time for her call, she wanted to be alone while doing it. After a few deep breaths she finally decided that she'd stalled enough, and dialed the number.<p>

"Leland residence."

"Hey dad, it's Elsa."

"Elsa, how good to hear from you! I'd thought about calling you earlier to wish you a Merry Christmas, but I figured you'd want to spend the holidays with Anna in peace and quiet." Elsa couldn't help but smile at the cheer in his voice. After her mother had died in a car accident it had taken him a long time to become his old, cheerful self again, but he had managed. It gave her hope for Anna.

"Thanks, and yes, you were right. We decided to hole up and have some quality time this year, just the two of us. How's things in New York?" She tried her best to keep her voice straight, but her dad wasn't fooled.

"Elsa, what's wrong?" he asked in a serious tone.

"Am I that easy to read?" she asked, not wanting to answer the question.

"Sweetie, I'm your dad. I knew you were gay before you knew it yourself, so why don't you stop beating around the bush and tell me what's bothering you."

She took a very deep breath. "Two months ago I've had a relapse. I had a complete gastrectomy but it didn't stop metastases from forming in my lungs and kidneys. The cancer isn't responding to chemotherapy and...well..." She couldn't finish the sentence.

The line was dead silent. Just as she was about to ask her father if he was still there, he said: "How long have you got?" The utter despair in his voice made her cringe. She had to breathe in deep several times to calm down enough again to be able to speak without starting to cry.

"No one knows for sure. My oncologist says somewhere between three and six months. A bit more if I'm lucky."

Again a long silence.

"How is Anna taking it?"

"She's...it's not easy for her. The last weeks have been...difficult. But I believe it's slowly sinking in."

Her father sighed deeply, before saying: "Listen sweetie, I need to take care of a few things. I'll call you in a day or two to let you know when I'll arrive."

"Arrive? Arrive where?"

"Arrive in L.A., of course. Do you really think I'll let you walk this road alone?" His voice was clear and precise again, but he couldn't mask the underlying sadness.

Elsa, on the other hand, was completely overwhelmed. "But...but dad, you can't...what about your job? What about that treaty you were working on..."

Her father interrupted her. "Elsa, you're my only daughter, and those pompous cunts can kiss my ass. I've saved up enough days of vacation to leave for an entire year, and I'm going to do just that. Are we clear?"

Elsa, back pressed against the fridge to support her shaking knees, was on the verge of crying and only managed a nod, until she realized that her dad couldn't see her. "Yes", she finally replied, with a shaky voice.

"Alright.", her dad said, again with a sigh. "I'll make all the arrangements and be in touch with you again tomorrow or the day after. I love you."

"I love you too, dad.", Elsa replied, tears already streaming down her cheeks. Only after he had hung up did she allow herself to start sobbing, collapsing onto the kitchen floor, hugging her knees. She felt horrible for inflicting this on her family, on Anna...especially Anna. She knew of course that she wasn't responsible, that she had no power over such things. But that didn't make her feel less guilty.

She hadn't been crying for long when Anna came home, arms full with bags of groceries. As soon as she saw Elsa sitting on the floor she knelt down next to her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Silently they sat there, Anna soothing her wife, until she finally started to calm down. "Wanna talk about it?", Anna asked after a while. Elsa nodded, slowly leaning back.

Her face looked terrible. Her eyes were red and swollen, her mascara a complete mess. Anna waited patiently for Elsa to start talking.

"I called my dad.", she said, finally.

"How did he react?"

"He's...he's scared. He tried to hide it, but...I don't know. He said he would come here to be with me."

Anna's face lightened up. She absolutely adored her father-in-law. "That's wonderful," she said, trying to raise the mood, "you always said you wanted to spend some time with him."

Elsa scoffed. "Not under such circumstances."

"Well, beggars can't be choosers." Anna said lightly, still hoping to lift Elsa's spirits, and this time it worked. A small smirk crept on her face.

"Now, when will he come? How long will he stay? And where? Don't tell me he'll rent a room in some hotel, he'll stay here of course." She prattled on and on, only stopping to catch her breath, in an effort to distract Elsa, who eventually laid a finger on Anna's mouth to shut her up.

"Thank you", Elsa said quietly, before pressing her lips on Anna's. After the kiss Elsa rested her head on Anna's shoulder. "I love you so much."

"I love you too", was Anna's reply, once again hugging Elsa.

After a few minutes of silence, Anna rose to her feet. She held down her hand to Elsa, to help her stand up. "You'll go lie down on the couch and rest, while I'm preparing something for dinner." Elsa opened her mouth to protest, but was quickly shushed by Anna. "Uh uh uh, no talking back, missus. Do as you're told and I'll even let you stay up ten minutes past bedtime." Elsa rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a smile, and walked over to the couch.

* * *

><p>When Anna was sure that Elsa was fast asleep in the living room, she silently slipped into the bedroom and pulled out her phone. She stared at it for several minutes until she could bring herself to dial the number she still knew inside out, despite not using it once in over nine years. After the first dialing tone she almost hung up, but forced herself to continue. Finally, a tired voice answered. "Hello?" Anna was at a loss for words. "Hello, who is this?" She snapped out of it.<p>

"Dad, please don't hang up. It's me...Anna."

* * *

><p><strong>dun dun dunnnnn. cliffhanger :D<strong>

**I know i'm an asshole. but writing this actually quite draining emotionally, and the next chapter will be a heavy one. That's why you've had a little bit of christmas fluff this time.**

**also, the music nerd in me finally took over for a bit, and I kinda geeked out about fall of efrafa. Sorry about that (i'm actually not sorry at all, suck it :P)**

**if you want to know what the vinyls actually look like, I have uploaded pictures of them to imgur. Just go to imgur com/a/IrT4z the tote bag, buttons and metal emblem are all part of the box. sorry for the potato quality of the pics, i took them with my phone in shitty lighting conditions.  
><strong>

**yes, it's my own copy. No I won't sell it, not for any money in the world.**

**The description of elsa's copy is actually a bit off, since I only own one from the second and final press (limited to 200 pcs), and the colour scheme is different than the vinyls of the 1st press (which is what anna would have gotten in 2010), but since i've never seen pics of those vinyls I had to use my own set as refrence.**

**2nd also: I know I sometimes mix up british and american english (since english isn't my first language), and I do know for a fact that some people get annoyed by this, but I seriously try to keep it consistent (consistent american, that is, since I use it more often)**

**and as always, reviews and feedback are always welcome and encouraged!**

**peace out**


	5. Chapter 5

_Elsa fidgeted with the sleeves of her blue jacket while she waited for the door to open. "Are you sure this is such a good idea?", she asked. Anna rolled her eyes and slapped her playfully. "Well, you have been bugging me about meeting my dad for over a year now. Your dad loves me, my mom loves you, and my dad will love you too, don't you worry."_

_She flashed a quick smile, but Elsa knew Anna well enough by now to know that she was also very nervous. Finally, the door opened and a middle-aged man, black hair with a few streaks of gray, enthusiastically embraced Anna and ushered them both inside._

"_Come on in, don't just stand there", he said with a friendly smile. He stuck his hand out to Elsa. "You must be the fabled Ms. Leland my daughter has told me so much about. Welcome, welcome." Elsa was quite overwhelmed and blushed slightly._

"_Thank you for having me, Mr Baneker.", Elsa said shyly. "Anna also told me a lot about you."_

"_Only the bad stories, I'm sure," he said with a smirk. "But please, call me Edward. Now, no need to stand around in the hall, make yourself at home. You can keep your shoes on. Anna will show you around while I finish dinner."_

_Anna led Elsa into a spacious living room, and it was like she entered heaven. Every inch of wall was covered by a bookshelf, and each shelf was full to the brim with books from all possible genres, some of them quite valuable collector's pieces. When she found what looked like an original first edition of Descartes' _La Géométrie_ she had to pinch her own hand to convince herself she wasn't dreaming. She had to do that again when she arrived at a section dedicated to treatises on physics, among it such treasures like Galileo's _Sidereus Nuncius_ and Newton's _Principa Mathematica_. Anna smiled to herself and let Elsa swoon over her father's extensive collection._

_Dinner was a relaxed affair, and Elsa was quite surprised that Anna's father had remembered her preferences and cooked an entirely vegan meal. She was also astonished at how easy the conversation was flowing with him. Anna had warned her that he was quite conservative, but his almost childlike fascination with old books and quite extensive knowledge of physics, despite having no formal education in it, meant for a sheer endless supply of easy conversation topics. Eventually, however, the conversation turned to a topic that made them both nervous._

"_Tell me, Elsa, do you have a boyfriend? Surely, an intelligent and beautiful young woman such as yourself can't save herself from all the suitors." _

_Elsa blushed. "Yes, I am currently seeing someone.", she said carefully._

_Anna's father smiled. "He must be an exceptional young lad to win your affection. I have to say, if I were a few years younger I might try to win you over myself. Maybe you could give some advice to my Anna, she still hasn't brought home a single boy."_

_Anna grabbed Elsa's hand under the table and steeled herself. "Actually, dad, I'm the person Elsa is seeing. She's my girlfriend. We've been together for a year." _

_A tense silence descended over the room. The smile on her father's face had been replaced by a blank, unreadable expression. Slowly he started to rise, resting his hands on the table. "Out." he said, barely audible. Anna didn't understand him. "Dad, I..." she was cut off when her father started yelling._

"_Out! Both of you, _out_!" Anna and Elsa both were shocked by his reaction. "Dad, please, listen to me...", Anna pleaded, but her father would have none of it. _

"_You _dare_ bring this harlot into _my_ house? Let her sit on _my_ table, and play me for a fool?!" He violently yanked Anna's chair from underneath her and roughly pushed them both towards the door. _

_Anna turned around and tried talking to her father again, reaching for his hand. As soon as she touched him, he recoiled his arm as if he had touched a hot stove, then slapped her across the cheek. "Don't you touch me! Leave, and never come back! You...you _abomination_!" He nearly spat out his last words._

_When they were both outside he threw their coats on the ground and slammed the door shut. Anna collapsed on the stairs, tears running down her cheeks, a deep red print already forming on her face. Elsa spent close to an hour consoling her, on that staircase, just so she could get moving again._

* * *

><p>"Hello, who is this?"<p>

Anna could almost feel his hand on her cheek. "Dad, please don't hang up. It's me...Anna."

After a tense silence, he said: "Anna. What do you want?"

The contempt in his voice made her flinch as if he had slapped her again.

"Dad, I...I need your help."

He sighed. "What do you want? Money?"

"What? N-no, we don't need any money. I just...want to talk to you."

"Well, we are talking, aren't we? What's this all about?"

"It's about Elsa..."

He interrupted her with a scoff. "After all these years, you still haven't had the decency to find a proper man and settle down. I expected as much."

"Dad, _please_, listen to me." She was close to tears already. "Elsa, she...she has cancer. Terminal. I...I just don't know what to do."

"Well, good, she gets the proper punishment for her ways." His utter derision made Anna feel like he had stabbed her in the gut. "And you better think long and hard about what you're gonna do after she's lying in the ground"

Something finally snapped in her. Almost calmly, she said: "I hate you."

"What?"

"I said I fucking hate you, you piece of shit!" Now she was screaming, tears running down her face. "I hope you die the slowest, most painful death imaginable! You don't deserve to live!" She flung her cell to the ground, smashing the screen into several pieces, before breaking down on the bed and crying bitterly.

Elsa, woken up by the noise knocked on the bedroom door. "Anna? Do you need help?" When the only sounds coming out of the room were sobs, she slowly opened the door, only to find Anna with her head buried in the pillows. "Anna?"

She didn't even seem to register Elsa was in the room. Only when Elsa sat down on the bed and gingerly touched Anna's shoulder did she raise her head, looking Elsa straight in the eyes. Elsa could immediately tell something horrible had happened. She had never seen Anna so distraught before, not even after their fight a week ago.

Elsa laid down next to Anna, wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. "It's alright, I'm here. Nobody's gonna hurt you."

"No!", Anna yelped, yanking away from Elsa. She stood up and walked over to the window, trying to steady herself. She took a few deep breaths to calm her shaking, and wiped away her tears. Eventually, she turned around to a befuddled looking Elsa.

"It can't go on like this. I can't have an emotional breakdown every other day! This...this is wearing me out." She sighed and put her hands to her temples.

Elsa was suddenly gripped by a panic like she'd never felt before. Was Anna leaving her? "Anna, I...what...what do you mean?" She was standing now, visibly shaking.

"I'm sorry, Elsa.", Anna said, oblivious to Elsa's paralyzing fear. "I'm sorry I haven't been stronger, for both of us. I can't even begin to imagine what you have to go through, and here I am, sobbing like a child that bruised her knee." She sighed deeply. "I'll try my best not to be nervous wreck from here on out."

Suddenly Elsa jumped her, wrapping her arms tightly around her. Anna could feel she was shaking, and it was bewildering to her.

"Did I...did I say something wrong?"

Elsa remained silent, trying to steady herself. Finally, she disengaged from the hug, and, barely audible, whispered: "For a moment I thought you were gonna leave me."

Anna looked at her incredulously. "Leave...leave _you_? What? Did the chemo get to your brain or something?"

Her relief almost palpable, Elsa let out a short laugh.

"I don't know why I thought that, it was just...you were so serious all of a sudden, and..." She was silenced by Anna pressing a kiss on her lips.

"Don't you ever think that again.", Anna said after a while, seriousness written all over face. "For better and for worse, in sickness and in health, yadda yadda yadda. I made you a promise that day. I keep my promises." She pulled Elsa into a tight hug. "So, now that we got off the emotional roller coaster, I'm starving. Fancy some dinner?"

* * *

><p><strong>hahaaa, <em>extremely<em> short chapter today. Yeah. I just didn't wanna let you guys hang high and dry with that cliffhanger from last episode, but I also gotta work on a little side project and i'm kinda busy and it's sometimes a bit difficult to write about this topic since it's kinda personal and...oh well.**

**I did a thing with the ending, you know, things go a little uphill now (as uphill as possible on a downward spiral, see what I did there NIN fans?)**

**as always, I appreciate any feedback or reviews or suggestions you throw at me, I take the time to read and (if possible) respond to them all  
><strong>

**thanks guys**

**peace out**


	6. Chapter 6

_Anna wondered what was going on with Elsa. She had been anxious and fidgeting around all day, and it made her kind of nervous. It put a dampener on a day that had been so beautiful. They had had a very nice picnic in the park, underneath the grand oak. It was their favorite place to come and just spend some time together, without a care in the world. She had many fond memories of this place. But the way Elsa behaved made her suspicious._

"_Is something wrong?", she finally asked, while they were slowly pacing up and down the grass, barefoot and hand in hand._

_Elsa stared at her as if she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar._

"_Actually, yes.", Elsa said slowly. "We've been together for almost four years now, and I enjoyed every second of it. But lately I felt like something was...off. Like there was something missing."_

_Anna swallowed audibly. What was she going on about?_

"_Anna, you're almost perfect for me, and you know that. But there is one thing about you, about us, that annoys me to no end."_

_Anna was a little scared now. Elsa had never behaved that way before._

_Then Elsa suddenly let go of her hand. "Our relationship can't continue like this."_

_She took a deep breath, pulled something out of her pocket and went down on one knee, holding up a little black case with a gorgeous golden ring, adorned with three little emeralds._

"_Will you marry me?"_

_Tears shot to her eyes, and suddenly Anna was unable to move, or speak, or even form a coherent thought. Elsa's smile slowly faltered, until Anna finally managed to mutter: "I...yes!"_

_That broke the spell. She leaped into Elsa's arms, almost knocking down the ring, tears streaming down her face._

"_Yes yes yes yes, a million times yes!"_

_Elsa let out the breath she'd been holding the whole time. "I love you so much", she said with a shaky voice._

_When they disengaged from their embrace, Elsa gingerly took Anna's left hand and slowly put the ring on her finger. It fit like a glove._

_Anna held out her hand to marvel at the ring. "I will never, ever take it off!", she said with glee in her voice._

_Elsa smiled. "You'll have to when I put another ring on that finger."_

_Anna pulled her in for a deep kiss, not a single damn given about the people watching them._

"_This is the best day of my life!", she said._

* * *

><p>Elsa was astonished by Anna's sudden change. It almost beggared belief. She smiled a lot more, was almost her cheerful old self. They had spent New Year's Eve with a few friends, celebrating and having a good time. For a few hours everyone seemed to forget the big fat elephant in the room and was genuinely happy to spend time with each other. And now, Anna had even accompanied her to her appointment with Dr. Horton, for the first time since the relapse diagnosis.<p>

"Well, it seems like switching over to the less aggressive chemo was the right call.", Dr. Horton said while settling into his chair. "Cancer growth hasn't accelerated, and it gave your kidneys much needed relief, your renal function has increased considerably. Which means we don't need to worry about you requiring dialysis for the time being." Anna shot Elsa a quick smile and squeezed her hand.

"Yeah, I feel like it's much easier for me to handle. It takes me considerably less time after each run to get back on track, and I even think my hair is recovering." As if to underscore her statements Elsa ran a hand through her hair. And it really seemed like it was going rather well. Brushing her hair had been one of the worst things for Elsa, with each stroke she had pulled out bushels full of hair. She liked to think she wasn't superficial, but that was one of the daily reminders of her condition, one that couldn't be avoided. Lately, however, it had improved, and it even seemed like some of it was growing back.

"Yes, and she's generally more active and lively.", Anna piped up. "Last week we even had...", she quickly covered her hand with her mouth when she saw Elsa's cheeks flush with a bright red. She snickered. "Well, we've been quite active."

Dr. Horton smiled knowingly. "Very good. Your state of mind can have quite a big influence over the success of your therapy. Now, I don't want to give you any false hopes. Everything we do at this point is to prolong. We can never dismiss the possibility of a sudden remission, but at this stage...chances are slim. The cancer is still growing. Your pulmonary function has decreased noticeably."

"Yes, I've noticed.", Elsa interjected. "I've actually gotten short-winded while walking up stairs and while...doing certain other things." She blushed again.

"I expected as much. We should consider a run of radiation therapy for your lungs, it might give you some relief. I'll see about getting you an appointment for that as soon as possible. And lastly, I couldn't help but notice that you've lost some weight. Don't take this the wrong way, but do you eat properly?"

Elsa sighed. "I really try to get my eight portions a day. Most of the time I'm just not hungry, but Anna forces me to eat." She smiled at Anna affectionately.

"Yes, about that.", Dr. Horton said, "I've also noticed that you have a slight deficiency in your Omega 3 fatty acids. I don't want to impose, but you should really consider eating more fish. I know that there are other sources, but..."

"No.",Elsa cut him off. "I've already started eating eggs and dairy products again. I will definitely _not_ eat meat or fish. I couldn't stomach that."

Anna giggled. "Heh, stomach that." Both Elsa and Dr. Horton looked at her incredulously, and the look on their faces made it even harder for her to contain her laughter. Finally, Elsa also gave in and started laughing.

* * *

><p>Barging through their apartment door, Anna let out a deep sigh. "We need to clean this place up. There's still some empty bottles from new year's, that was almost two weeks ago!"<p>

Elsa chuckled. "Relax, pine cone, dad won't arrive until tomorrow."

Anna frowned. "You'll never let me live that down, will you?" Elsa smirked and shook her head. "I told you, that spider startled me!", Anna said with a pout.

"Yes, that's why you had to launch it at my head like it was a live hand grenade", Elsa replied with a laugh.

"Whatever. Still, we really need to clean up the place, and prepare the guest room."

Elsa dramatically put a hand to her forehead. "Uh, I feel rather light-headed, the day was _so_ exhausting. I think I'll lie down, but you go ahead."

Anna jabbed a finger at her. "You don't get off the hook that easily. Don't think that I don't know what you're up to. Now, grab the vacuum and get going."

They spent the remainder of the afternoon thoroughly cleaning every nook and cranny, and at the end Elsa truly was exhausted. Collapsing on the bed an snuggling up to Anna, she said: "I think the apartment hasn't been this clean since we moved in."

Anna smiled. "No wonder with a slob like you."

Elsa playfully swatted at her shoulder.

"What? It's true. I've never seen anyone who managed to get something more dirty while cleaning it."

They were quiet for a while, until Elsa, almost asleep, murmured: "I love you."

Anna kissed her forehead. "I love you too, slob."

* * *

><p>Elsa was anxiously pacing up and down in the living room, constantly peeking down to the parking lot of their apartment building. Any second now Anna would come back from the airport, bringing her dad with her. She didn't want to admit it, but she was nervous. How would he react to her? With her brother god knows where, she was the only immediate family he had left.<p>

All her musings were cut short when the front door flew open. She hadn't even seen them pull into the parking lot. "Elsa, where ho..." Anna was cut short by Elsa charging them and almost pouncing on her dad. His smile, his scent, even his embrace reminded her of times long gone.

"I missed you.", she said.

"I missed you too, sweetie.", he answered.

They disentangled from their tight embrace, and Elsa took the time to closely examine her father from head to heel. What she saw shocked her. Despite being only 65, he looked more like 85. His hair had gone completely gray, and he had grown out a mustache. His eyes had sunk into their sockets, and dark rings were running underneath. His complexion was pale, and there were so many wrinkles on his face.

Unsure what to do, she tried humor. "You look terrible.", she said in her most deadpan voice. Anna held her breath-

A small smile crept on his face as he replied: "Look who's talking." The smile never reached his eyes.

After hugging again they finally entered the apartment, and her father had to chuckle. "Let me guess, Anna panicked and forced you to clean everything."

Anna blushed. "You know me too well, Henry."

He turned around to face Anna, a genuine smile on his face. "Please, Anna, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me dad."

"Okay...dad.", Anna said with a small voice. Her father's words were still fresh in her memory.

An awkward silence settled over them, until Henry spoke again. "Now, I just got off a red-eye from New York, and they only served peanuts. I'm starving! How about I treat my lovely girls to brunch?"

They had had a delicious brunch in a small restaurant just down the street, and Anna couldn't get enough of the stories her father-in-law had to tell about his time in Germany. "You see, I had a very good relationship with the ambassador at the time, Walter Stoessl, which was good since he was still technically my boss. Regardless, he regularly treated me to dinner at this fancy restaurant right at the Rhine, and at this very restaurant, a charming young woman worked as a waiter. As luck would have she would always serve our table."

Elsa rolled her eyes. She had heard this story a million times already, and she was quite sure that Anna knew it as well, but her wife hung on Henry's lips like her life depended on it.

"So one evening, he leans over to me just after she had brought our drinks, and I quote: 'Henry,' he said, 'you better make a move on that cute little lady soon, or I will.' Now, he was married and I don't think he would have done anything, but still, that very night I asked her if she would like to go out with me some time. And that's how I met the mother of your beautiful wife."

Anna had dreamy eyes. "Aw, that's so cute! Elsa, why didn't we meet in such a romantic way?"

Elsa chuckled. "I always though headbutting people on whose couch you had just slept was your idea of romantic."

Anna put on a pout, and said: "I'll go use the bathroom real quick. Be right back."

After she had left, Elsa asked a question that had been on her mind for some time now. "Dad, do you know where Andrew is?"

Her father let out a deep sigh. "No, I don't know where your brother is traipsing around, Elsa. The last I heard of him was post card he had sent from Davao City, three months ago. Apparently, the Philippines are beautiful at this time of the year."

Elsa had a surprised look. "The Philippines? I thought he was in Burkina Faso, working with Médecins Sans Frontières."

"Well, you know your brother. He can't be tied down in one place for long. But why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just...", she started, fiddling around with the sleeve of her hoodie, "I just would have liked to see him again, at least once, before..." she didn't finish the sentence.

"I know, sweetheart.", her father said, reaching across the table and giving her hand a squeeze. "If it means this much to you, I still know a few people at our Embassy in Manila. I could try to have him tracked down..." He was interrupted by Elsa. "No, you don't need to. Really, you don't. If he wants to get in touch he knows where to find me." She averted her eyes in an attempt to hide her disappointment.

* * *

><p>When they got back home again, Elsa was still in a sullen mood. "I feel kinda tired, I think I'm gonna go lie down a bit. You kids play nice now." With that, she withdrew to the bedroom.<p>

Anna shot Henry a questioning look. He sighed.

"We talked about her brother. Really, it isn't my place to tell. You should go check on her. I'll get settled into the guest room in the meantime."

Anna went after Elsa and found her lying on the bed, covers pulled up to her face. She sat down next to her wife, gingerly stroking her hair.

"Hey now, what's wrong?"

Elsa didn't answer, grabbing Anna's hand instead and hugging it tightly to her chest.

"Is it about your brother?"

Elsa shot her a confused look.

"Yeah, your dad told me that you talked about him. Wanna share your thoughts?"

Elsa let out a deep sigh. "It's just...I miss him so much. When mom died, he was the only one I could turn to. Dad was busy with work, and he was grieving himself. For a while, he kinda shut us both out. Andrew and I...we grew really close at that time. But when he had finished high-school he grew so restless. And then one day, I was home visiting from college, he got into a huge fight with dad. He just up and left. I haven't seen him since."

She sat up and leaned her head on Anna's shoulder, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'd just like to see him one more time. That isn't too much to ask." She threw her hands in the air. "And why am I so damn emotional all of a sudden! It's like I'm pregnant."

Anna let out a short laugh. "Fat chance, huh?"

Elsa smiled again. "Yeah."

They were silent for a while, until Elsa let out a big yawn.

Anna took that as her cue. "Now now, lie down and take a nap, sleepyhead. I'll keep your dad company."

Elsa smiled and planted a quick kiss on Anna's lips before lying down and snuggling into her blanket.

"I'll wake you up when dinner's ready.", Anna said before closing the door.

She leaned against the door and took a few deep breaths, before walking over to the guest room. Henry had just finished changing into a more comfortable outfit, and smiled when he saw Anna enter the room.

"Henr...dad, I need to talk to you. About something very serious."

He just looked her in the eyes and gave a curt nod, before they made their way to the dining table.

* * *

><p><strong>i just can't keep myself from posting those things as soon as write them. your reviews are just so overwhelming (and quite good for my confidence, actually)<strong>

**There you have it people, fluff, fluff, fluff all over the place. And something just a little serious towards the end. Now, this leaves us with a few questions. What about Elsa's brother? Will we ever see him? What is the serious issue that Anna has to discuss with her father-in-law? Will the avatar ever return to republic cit...oh, wrong universe. Stay tuned for the next chapter and we might see some of those questions answered.**

**And as always, every review, feedback, suggestion and criticism is greatly appreciated.**

**I love you guys**

**peace out**


	7. Chapter 7

When Elsa woke it was dark outside, no surprise in January. A glance at the clock told her it was already 8:12 PM.

_'I thought they'd wake me for dinner.'_

She slowly changed into more comfortable clothes, viewing herself in the mirror. She was so thin her ribcage was pronounced even while standing. It brought out the scars from her gastrectomy even more.

She sighed. _'Well, they say scars make you look mysterious.'_ A small smile crept on her face, but it didn't reach her eyes.

She crept out of the bedroom in a sullen mood, and heard the quiet voice of her father

„I already told you, as much as I like that idea, you have to talk it through with Elsa. As for the other...situation...I'll see what I can do. I can't promise anything, though."

She heard Anna sigh. "I know, I just...I don't think she'd like it."

Elsa cleared her throat and marched into the living room, and Anna looked up like she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Elsa! You're awake?" She smiled weakly.

"Yeah, just got up. You said you'd wake me up for dinner."

Her father spoke up: "Well, we haven't eaten yet, sweetie. In fact, we were just talking about ordering something. Do you fancy Chinese?"

Elsa sat down. "Nah, to much fried stuff. Not good on my stomach." She smirked. "But you go on ahead and order something, I'll make myself a sandwich or something."

Henry stood up. "Nonsense. If anything, I'll make you sandwich."

"You don't even know what I'm allowed to eat, dad."

"Then why don't you tell me? I came here to take care of you." With that, he made his way to the kitchen.

Elsa followed him. "If you insist, plain cheese, maybe with lettuce."

Her father eyed her suspiciously. "You're eating dairy products?"

Elsa chuckled. "Everybody's gotta make some sacrifices."

He just nodded and smiled. "Alright then, I'll be quick."

"Don't make it too big. I can't eat that much at once."

Elsa sat back down at the dining table. Anna was twirling an almost empty wine glass in her hand, avoiding looking at her.

"What were you talking about?", Elsa asked.

Anna's cheeks flushed. "Oh well, just catching up, you know. I haven't heard from your dad in ages. We just got carried away I guess."

Elsa eyed her suspiciously, but didn't comment on it further. Anna would come around eventually. She sighed, grabbed the other glass and filled it with wine. It was a good Riesling from the Rhineland.

"Elsa, you know you shouldn't drink when you're about to eat.", Anna chided.

"To hell with that, even I can be rebellious sometimes.", Elsa responded. She took a big gulp, and emptied the glass with a second one. She reached for the bottle and filled her glass again. Anna looked at her with a worried expression, taking her hand.

"Is everything alright, Elsa?"

Henry returned with a sandwich on a plate. Elsa took another sip, and said: "Yeah, everything's fine. Perfectly fine."

She took a bite of the sandwich. "Well, you should order already, or your dinner will turn into breakfast."

Anna sighed dejectedly. "You're right, I suppose. What would you like, Henry?"

He pondered a bit, oblivious to the tension between his daughter and her wife. "Chop Suey would be fine, I guess. And some spring rolls."

Anna fingered her phone out of her pocket and ordered their dinner. She ordered egg fried rice with vegetables and Henry's food.

Elsa finished her sandwich and her wine, and they sat in silence for a while.

"So, what are we gonna do tomorrow?", Henry said.

Elsa looked up. "We could head to the Griffith Observatory. I haven't been there in a while, but their exhibit was very good the last time I checked. Whenever we're talking I get a feeling you never quite understand what I've been doing at the JPL. You could learn a thing or two."

He nodded with a smile. "I'd like that."

Suddenly Elsa got a big grin. "I just got a better idea. How about I get you into the JPL?"

Her father looked at her with big eyes. "You can do that?"

Elsa chuckled. "Well, technically I don't work there anymore, but it would be no problem to get booked as 'External Consultant'. My old boss still owes me a few favors. You could be my assistant."

Henry laughed at the idea. "You'd like that, bossing me around."

Elsa laughed, too. "I'd be lying if I say I don't."

The banter went back and forth between them, Anna sitting in the middle feeling left out. Suddenly Elsa jerked up, mid-sentence. "Shit. Here we go."

She darted to the bathroom and started heaving into the toilet.

Henry looked crestfallen. "What's that about all of a sudden?"

Anna sighed. "Dumping syndrome. It happens when she's eating and drinking at the same time, or eating something wrong. She's usually very disciplined and has avoided it for quite some time, but I don't know what's gotten into her today."

"Shouldn't we check on her?", he asked, standing up, but Anna quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back down on the chair.

"Don't, trust me. She wants to be left alone. She'll come around when she's feeling better. It can take quite a while."

"Are there any other...complications?", Henry asked with a quiet voice.

Anna squirmed in her chair, pulling her knees up to her chin and resting her shins against the table.

"Well, every second Tuesday she has a run of chemo. It's an infusion she receives at the hospital and usually takes around four hours to run through. After that she's generally feeling like crap for a few days, though it has gotten better since we switched to a different type of chemotherapy.

"And you've noticed how thin she is. A few nights ago, I was cuddling up to her while she was sleeping, and trying to get comfortable I grabbed her arm. I got my hand around her upper arm, with room to spare. The hair loss has stopped, thankfully, I could tell that was really getting to her."

She was quiet for a bit.

"That's the physical side, at least. Mentally...I think she has a depression. I mean, who wouldn't, right, but she tries to hide it. Being strong for me and all that other bullcrap. I just...I don't know what to do."

Tears welled up in her eyes. Henry scooted over and gently took her in his arms.

"I'm scared. I don't want to lose her. I can't...can't imagine life without her. She's my everything."

She sobbed into his shoulder while he mumbled soothing words. After a while, he disengaged to look her into the the eyes.

"Anna, no matter what happens, I'll always be your dad. You may not be my of blood, but damned if I care. If there's anything I can ever do for you, anything at all, never hesitate to ask."

She managed a weak smile and breathed a silent 'Thank you'. At that moment, the doorbell rang.

"That should be our food.", Henry said. "I'll get it, you stay put."

He walked over to the door and buzzed the delivery guy in. After a generous tip he returned to the table. Elsa was still in the bathroom, now with the sink running.

Anna suddenly realized how famished she was, and immediately started digging into her food.

"Should we save something for Elsa?", Henry asked hesitantly.

Anna swallowed her mouthful and said: "Let's see, spring rolls are fried, that's a no-go, rice is a no-go, and your Chop Suey is with meat. I guess we could save one of the fortune cookies for her."

Sometime during their meal, Elsa left the bathroom and slowly crept back, quietly sitting down at the table. Her eyes were bloodshot an puffy, it was obvious she had been crying. Anna knew better than to acknowledge the situation, but her dad looked at her worriedly.

"Is everything alright, sweetheart?"

Elsa frowned. "I'm fine!", she said, a bit too loud. She looked down and continued, almost with a whisper. "Sorry about that. I'll just let you guys eat. I'll go lie down, don't wanna be awake when the late symptoms set in."

She got up and left the table again, heading for the bedroom. Anna finished her meal and got up with a sigh.

"I should go check on her."

Henry looked up with a weak smile. "You do that. I'll clean everything up, maybe watch some TV later."

She smiled at him and made her way to her wife.

* * *

><p>It was only a few minutes after Elsa had laid down that Anna made her entrance to the bedroom. It was completely dark, but the light from the hallway illuminated the bed. Elsa lay still, seemingly asleep.<p>

"Elsa?"

No reaction. Anna closed the door and made her way to the bed, lying down next to her wife.

"Elsa, I know you're not sleeping. What's wrong?", she said softly.

Elsa suddenly turned around, tightly hugging Anna and burying her face in her chest. Her cheeks were damp with tears.

"I'm sorry, Anna.", she whispered. "I just...it's all so much. I feel so weak and useless all the time, like I'm just a burden to you."

Anna hugged her closer and drew soothing circles on Elsa's back. "You know, for someone that has a PhD you surely say a lot of incredibly stupid things."

Anna didn't need to see Elsa's face to know how she had furrowed her brows at the unexpected remark. She chuckled.

"You are not, and will never be, a burden. 'For better and for worse, in sickness as in health', remember those lines? I made you a promise that day. I keep my promises. How often do I have to remind you of that?"

As if to reinforce her point, she kissed Elsa on the head and nuzzled her cheek against her hair. Elsa had calmed down at the words, and a comfortable silence descended on the pair.

After a few minutes, Elsa spoke up again.

"Anna, you need to promise me something."

"Anything."

"I mean really promise, no backsies or crossed fingers."

Anna chuckled. "Just spill it already."

Elsa sighed heavily. "I want you to promise me that you won't do anything...stupid after I'm gone."

Anna took a deep breath. "Elsa, I...why do I even need to promise that? Do you think I'll throw myself under the next bus when you die?"

"No, I...I just...I need _something_, Anna. I'm scared of dying, yes, but I'm even more scared of hurting you. I love you with all my heart, and it breaks every day seeing you trying to be chipper and cheerful, when I know that you want to curse and scream at the world. I'm afraid that I'll...break you."

"Elsa..." Anna was at a loss for words. "How would...I don't...Break me? What does that even mean?"

Elsa sighed. "Remember when I told you about how my mom died? How my dad basically shut himself in his study for days and refused to see me and my brother, and how distant he was even when he did finally come out? He is a very controlled person, and always taught us to exercise self-control when it came to our emotions. But even he himself couldn't deal with it, for a very long time.

"You, on the other hand, wear your heart on your sleeve. You let your whole life be guided by your emotions. Everything you feel seems so intense to me, the good and the bad. I'm just scared that you...won't be able to handle the intensity."

Anna pulled Elsa closer for a deep hug.

"Stop worrying, goldilocks. I know it will hurt, more than I can imagine. But I'll pull through. Always have. But if you need it for your peace of mind, I'll do it. I promise not to do anything _stupid_, as you so eloquently put it, whatever the circumstance." Elsa couldn't shake the feeling that Anna wanted to say something more, but chose not to dwell on it. She enjoyed the moment together and didn't want to ruin it by prying.

Despite having woken up only two hours prior, Elsa was incredibly tired. The whole exchange with her wife had drained her emotionally, and her brief flirt with the toilet had been exhausting. She soon felt herself dozing off, still in a tight embrace with Anna, face nuzzled against her chest.

When Anna was sure that Elsa was sleeping, she slowly disentangled herself, careful not to wake her wife, and did her nighttime routine. After changing into her pajamas she did a last check on Henry, who had fallen asleep on the couch with the TV still running. She smiled and gently roused him, telling him to go to bed, before she did the same, tightly hugging Elsa again.

'_I love you, Elsa.'_, she thought. _'I only hope I can keep my promise.'_

* * *

><p><strong>wow, i'm seriously so sorry about the delay, guys. Depression makes for a bad motivator, and I had to completely rewrite this chapter three times because I wasn't satisfied with it. I'm still not entirely happy about it's current state, especially the part in the bedroom, but I don't see any way how I could improve it. Also, no flashback this time because i'm a lazy git.<strong>

**A heartfelt thanks to all the people following and reviewing this story, I write this as much for you as I do it for myself. Special thanks go to guest reviewer Jet, who provided some valued feedback and criticism. Rest assured: Anna's dad and Elsa's brother all have parts to play in the story. We also see an effect of elsa's sickness in this chapter, dumping syndrome. I know i've been putting off including that since it's a rather touchy subject for me, having witnessed it firsthand with a very close family member suffering through stomach cancer, but I had to do it eventually. My description of it is intentionally vague. If you wish to know more about it, wikipedia has an excellent article.**

**And as always, feedback/reviews/criticism is greatly appreciated**

**thanks guys**

**peace out**


	8. Chapter 8

"I still have no idea what you're talking about.", Henry said.

Elsa sighed. "Okay, I'll try to explain it in the least science-y way possible." That earned her a playful swat on her lower arm.

"Alright, think of a solar eclipse. Even with a partial eclipse, the day becomes considerably darker for up to an hour, because the sunlight is largely blocked by the moon. The same thing happens when a planet passes in front of a star. When we notice that a star periodically dips in brightness, we put it on the candidate list to observe it more closely. If the dimming happens at regular intervals we can safely assume that it's caused by a planet, and judging from the magnitude of the change in brightness we can make some guesses about the size. If we get _really_ lucky and can do spectroscopy we can even tell how its atmosphere is made up.

"This is the simplest method of looking for exoplanets. There are of course several drawbacks, most importantly that the orbit of the planet has to be lined up with our line of sight. Which is only the case for a miniscule amount of star systems. There is also a very high amount of false-positives, and often other methods like direct imaging are required to confirm if it's actually a planet."

Her father's face was scrunched up as he tried to get his head around all this information. That he had to keep his eyes on the road and watch the traffic didn't exactly help, either.

"I think I get how this works. But what do you do when the planets aren't orbiting in the right way for us to detect it? How do you even know to look for a planet?"

Elsa smiled, obviously delighted with the interest her father had in her work. "Well there are several other ways to detect exoplanets, like observing ellipsoidal variations. When a massive planet, like Jupiter, orbits very close to its star it can actually slightly deform the shape of the star. This causes tiny deviations in the star's brightness, depending on how it's rotating relative to earth. There's also more complicated methods like observing gravitational microlensing or measuring the radial velocity. Don't expect me to explain those, though. That would be like trying to explain that whole shebang you're involved in at the UN about Iran's nuclear program to a five year-old."

Henry laughed, glad that his daughter still had a sense of humor. "I really enjoyed today, sweetheart. You were working with some very fine people, like that liaison from ESA, Dr. Müller. He seems like a delightful fellow."

Elsa smirked. "He's usually really grumpy, but to me he's always been nice. Probably because he didn't want to waste an opportunity to speak German once in a while."

Her father was glad to hear that. "Du sprichst also noch Deutsch, ja? Sehr gut. Du weißt wie viel es bedeutet hat deiner Mutter."

Elsa sighed and rolled her eyes. "Ja, Papa. Und mein Deutsch ist immer noch besser als deines. Dein Satzbau ist grauenhaft."

"Ja ja, Hauptsache deinem alten Herrn eines auswischen.", Henry said with a chuckle.

"Schadenfreude ist die schönste Freude," Elsa replied, "und dein Deutsch wäre besser wenn du Tante Gerda mal anrufen würdest. Sie hat schon lange nichts mehr von dir gehört."

"So you're still talking with her?", he asked after a while.

"Yes, dad, and it really wouldn't hurt if you called her once in a while, too. Six hours time difference isn't too difficult to work out on a weekend, you know. I manage to do it with nine."

Henry sighed. "You know we're not seeing eye to eye since your mother's accident. You know she's blaming me, for some reason."

Elsa buried her face in her hands and let out an exasperated sigh. "If you'd bothered to contact her any time in the last three years you'd know that she doesn't, at least not any more. She knows that it was an accident. Accidents happen." Another sigh. "Just...talk to her, okay? I know it's still a difficult topic for you, even after all these years, but..." She trailed off.

"But?"

"But I want you to be able to talk to people about...me. I'll hurt the people I love the most, and I kinda...I kinda feel like I need to make up for it up front, somehow. I know it sounds stupid, but...I just want you guys to be alright."

A heavy silence descended upon the car. Elsa stared out the window lost in her own thoughts, not registering (sort of) wintery Pasadena zipping by.

Only when her father gave her hand a quick squeeze did she return to the present, giving him a small smile.

"How about we get some late lunch? I think Anna is still at her mom's, I'm sure she won't mind."

"I'd like that.", Elsa replied.

* * *

><p>Anna took a deep breath outside the automatic doors. It had been quite a while since she had visited her mother, and she wasn't sure what to expect. Finally, she decided she had stalled enough, and walked through the doors, marching up to the front desk. The nurse sitting behind it brightened at her approach.<p>

"Anna, how lovely to see you again! It's been too long."

Anna smiled, but lowered her head. In shame or out of habit, she didn't know.

"Yeah, it's been too long.", she said silently, more to herself. "Well, the past few months haven't been easy. My wife...she has cancer."

The nurse's face fell at the news. "Oh my, how horrible! Will she...?"

Anna didn't say anything, just shook her head slightly. The nurse knew not to pry any further.

"Well, it's good you came in today. She has a good day. I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you!"

She left her position and headed into a corridor, Anna following her silently. They stopped at a door, and the nurse knocked before opening the door.

"Good morning, Karen, you've got a visitor today. It's Anna! Do you remember Anna?"

The addressed person, sitting in a comfy chair looking out the window, scoffed at the question.

"Of course I remember my little Anna, how could I forget her? Come here, darling. Give your old mommy a hug."

Anna walked over and pulled her mother into a delicate embrace. The nurse silently left the room and closed the door.

"Now now, I'm not made out of glass.", she chuckled, pulling in Anna so close it pressed the air out of her lungs. Anna enjoyed every second.

"Now, how have you been? Let me get a look at you!" Her mother studied her intently. "Goodness, how fast you've grown up."

Anna smiled ruefully, fighting hard to keep tears from welling up in her eyes,

"Why such a long face, darling? Did you fail that important exam?"

Anna had to chuckle. "No, mom, I did really fine on that exam. It's Elsa...do you remember Elsa?"

"Of course I do! Why does everyone ask such ridiculous questions today? She's so sweet...you haven't broken up, have you? You'll both get an earful from me if you've broken up, you hear?"

Anna laughed. "No mom, we're...still together." She bit her lip. Could she really burden her mother with her problems, when she had such a good day for once? But she desperately needed to vent, to get it all off her chest. "She's sick, mom, really sick"

"Oh dear, she hasn't got the flu, has she? I always tell you girls that you dress too lightly, even here in California!"

"No, mom, she doesn't have the flu..." she hesitated, biting her lip again. "She has cancer, mom."

Oh my, no. How horrible! She'll make it through, though, won't she? Such a sweet girl."

Anna felt the tears running down her cheeks. "She...s-she'll make it, mom. You know her, she's a fighter." A little white lie. A lie that hurt nobody. Nobody but herself. If only it were true.

"Then why are you crying, darling? Everything will be fine, you'll see." Karen smiled gently at her daughter, hugging her tightly to her chest. Anna let her cheek rest on her mother's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. After a while she managed to calm down a bit, and wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her sweater.

"I'm just scared, mom.", she whispered. "What if...what if they're _wrong_?" Phrasing the question like that, when in truth she hoped and prayed for _them_ to be wrong every single day, tore her apart. She started sobbing again, letting it all out. Her mother gently rocked her back and forth, humming the nursery rhyme she always sung when Anna was scared of monsters under the bed.

"No matter what happens, I'll always be there for you, darling. If the world ends, I'll still be here with open arms."

They spent the rest of the morning and some time into the afternoon chatting away about idle things. Karen informed her daughter that Mrs. Finnigan from across the street picked up an adorable little puppy a week ago. The same Mrs. Finnigan that had been dead for a year. Anna listened to the same stories she had heard dozens of times, feigning shock and surprise at just the right time, asking just the right questions so her mother could finish that particular anecdote with a triumphant smile or a condemning frown.

In the end her visit had been a good one. She felt like a tremendous weight was lifted off her shoulders, if only for a few hours. She even had a genuine smile on her face when she left the nursing home, getting in her car. When she turned the keys in the ignition, the radio came back to life, continuing the playback of the CD Anna had listened to. She immediately wanted to turn it off, or switch to a station, or just another song, but she couldn't. Her hands were frozen in place.

_Staring at the sea, will she come?  
>Is there hope for me, after all is said and done<br>Anything at any price, all of this for you  
>All the spoils of a wasted life, all of this for you<em>

_All the world has closed her eyes  
>Tired of faith all worn and thin<br>For all we could have done  
>And all that could have been<br>_

_Ocean pulls me close, and whispers in my ears  
>The destiny I've chose, all becoming clear<br>The currents have their say, the time is drawing near  
>Washes me away. makes me disappear<br>And I descend from grace  
>In arms of undertow<br>I will take my place  
>In the great below<em>

_I can still feel you, even so far away_

_I can still feel you, even so far away_

_I can still feel you, even so far away_

_I can still feel you, even so far away_

And just like that, it all came crashing down on her again. She sat, unable to move, head resting on the steering wheel, as sobs shook her body. When she had somewhat regained her composure the clock on the dashboard read 6 PM. The CD had long run out and she was sitting in silence, her own sniffles and ragged breathing the only sounds. A quick check on her phone revealed several missed calls and a text from Elsa

_'are you still at your mom's? i'm worried, call me back. love'_

Without replying she started the engine and drove home.

* * *

><p>Elsa and Henry were sitting on the couch and the armchair respectively when Anna opened the front door. Silently she pulled off her shoes and hung her jacket on the coat hanger and crept into the living room. Elsa gasped when she saw Anna's face.<p>

"God, Anna, what happened? Is your mom okay?"

Anna basically fell down next to Elsa on the couch, hugging her fiercely and resting her head on the blonde's shoulder.

"Mom is fine. Just hold me, please."

Elsa did as she was asked, cradling Anna closely to her, resting her cheek on her red hair. Henry took that as his cue to leave the pair alone and retreated to his room, randomly grabbing a book from Elsa's shelf to take with him. _'Dune'_, he thought. _'Elsa always talks so highly about this. Might as well give it a shot.'_

Elsa and Anna just sat there, holding each other silently. Eventually, the stress of the day caught up to Anna and she had to let out a big, unladylike yawn. Elsa chuckled, and disentangled herself.

"You better get your cute butt to bed. I'll clean up and be right along."

Anna tried to protest, was to too tired to even form a coherent sentence. With a laugh Elsa shooed her wife towards the bedroom and started putting the few dirty dishes in the dishwasher, musing about what would have caused Anna to act the way she did.

_'Whatever it was, she'll tell me if it's important enough.'_

And true to her word, a few minutes later she slipped under the covers, snuggling up to Anna, making the redhead the little spoon. For a few hours, all their worries disappeared into sweet bliss.

* * *

><p><strong>translations from german:<strong>

"**You still speak German? Very good. You know how important it was to your mother." (please don't use that on your german exam, it's intentionally wrong)**  
>"<strong>Yes dad, and my German is still better than yours. Your sentence structure is atrocious."<strong>  
>"<strong>Yes yes, just to give your old father a wipe." (<em>very<em> loosely translated)**  
>"<strong>Schadenfreude is the sweetest joy, and your German would be better if you would call aunt Gerda once in a while. She hasn't heard from you in quite a while"<br>Yes, german is my native language. A hundred fake internet points to the person who can guess where i'm from. Hint: it's not germany :)**

**also, all the methods of detecting exoplanets hinted at in the beginning are real and actually used (for the most part). Yeah I know, i'm a fucking nerd.**

**and yeah, I usually don't do lyrics because it's kinda awkward, but it really fits here, and it's such a hauntingly beautiful and sad song. The Great Below by Nine Inch Nails, btw  
>for those interested, shoot me a quick pm and I can throw together a list of records I like to listen to while I write. They do influence my mood, and thus the mood of the chapters, quite considerably.<strong>

**initially I didn't plan to include Anna's mother more than in a quick mention a few chapters back, but as you can see I decided to introduce her. Still not sure about that, I might edit it or remove that part altogether. Feedback on the issue is appreciated.  
>Also, 'aunt' gerda is the only other character from frozen, or disney as a whole, making an appearance in this fic. And only this once. I promise :)<strong>

**Well, this brings us to the sad part of this A/N: as of now, summer rains is on **

_**HIATUS**_

**why? Well, as some of you probably have guessed (and know for a fact since last chapter), I went through the experience of losing someone very close to cancer. That person's birthday happened to be on christmas eve, and they died shortly after new year's, a few days before my birthday. As you can imagine, the days ahead are not that easy for me, even though it's been a while. That's why, for my own sake, I won't continue this fic until well into next year. Rest assured though: I WILL continue writing it. We're a little more than halfway through, I aim for something between 12 and 14 chapters in length, not counting the epilogue. And I already have a rough draft of the epilogue sitting around, and it's gonna hit you right in the feels.**

**Thanks for all your support and those lovely reviews. I live for them. it's like heroin, only without all that catching diseases from dirty needles and dying thing**

**peace out, and merry christmas and happy new year to all you fine people**


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